Knowing Your Priorities Is the Easy Part. Living Them Is Different.
Recently, I shared the four priorities that matter most to me at this point in my life.
I’ve been thinking about them recently, mostly because I’ve discovered that naming your priorities is the easy part. Living them is where things get interesting. When I wrote those four things down, they felt very clear to me. My spiritual connection comes first, followed by my health, the people I love, and then my art business. Seeing them in that order felt right, almost like I’d finally put words to something I already knew deep down.
And then I went about living my life. Within days, I caught myself drifting away from those priorities more times than I could count.
I’d get excited about a new idea and suddenly be off and running with it, even though protecting my time and health was supposedly near the top of my list. I’d get absorbed in work and realize I’d pushed aside something else I’d just declared more important.
Apparently writing down your priorities does not magically make you live them.
Maybe Our Priorities Are More Like a Guideline, Not a Rule
At first, I could have looked at all that drifting and decided I wasn’t doing a very good job of living according to my priorities. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that wasn’t the point of the exercise at all. Priorities aren’t another set of rules we’re supposed to follow perfectly. At least I don’t want mine to be.
I often encourage students in my classes to think of my lessons and instruction as guidelines, not a hard fast rule.
I started looking at my priorities as a compass, to keep guiding me back to what’s important to me. A compass doesn’t prevent you from wandering off course. It doesn’t yell at you when you take the wrong turn or get distracted along the way. It’s simply there when you need it, quietly pointing you back in the direction you said you wanted to go.
I really like that image because I follow more random squirrels, otherwise known as brilliant ideas, than I care to admit. I can be happily moving in one direction when suddenly I have an idea for a new course, a new project, something I want to write, something I want to change in my business, or something else that feels absolutely fascinating in the moment. Before I know it, I’m halfway down a completely different path.
I’m probably not going to stop doing that. It’s part of who I am, and truthfully, I like that part of myself. My curiosity has led me to some wonderful places.
What I can do is get better at noticing when one of those interesting detours is pulling me away from something I’ve already decided matters more.
The Goal Isn’t to Live Your Priorities Perfectly
This may be the part I left out when I first wrote about my priorities.
There’s a big difference between saying, “These are the four things that matter most to me,” and expecting myself to make every decision accordingly for the rest of my life.
Real life doesn’t work that neatly.
There are weeks when work genuinely needs more of me. There are times when a relationship needs to move to the front of the line. Sometimes my health needs almost all of my attention, and other times I have enough energy that I can say yes to something new without sacrificing anything important. The order may shift from day to day, but knowing what matters most gives me something to return to when life starts feeling out of balance.
And that’s the part I’m finding so helpful.
Instead of asking myself, Why did I let this happen again? I can simply notice, Oh, I’ve drifted.
Then I can look at my compass and find my way back.
Noticing May Be More Important Than Getting It Right
I’ve spent a lot of my life trying to get things right, and I’m guessing I’m not alone in that.
We decide we’re going to exercise four days a week, meditate every morning, spend more time making art, call our friends more often, stop working at a certain hour, or finally create some breathing room in our lives.
Then life happens. We miss a workout. We work too late. The meditation doesn’t happen. The art supplies sit untouched for another week.
It’s so easy to turn something that was meant to support us into another way to judge ourselves. I don’t want my priorities to become that.
What feels much more useful is simply learning to notice sooner.
When I’ve been working too much, can I notice?
When I’ve said yes to so many things that I’m no longer taking care of myself, can I notice?
When I’ve been so focused on accomplishing something that I’ve stopped making time for the people I love, can I notice?
And once I notice, can I make one small adjustment that points me back toward the life I said I wanted?
Keep Coming Back to What Matters
I’m only a short way into consciously living with these four priorities, so I certainly don’t have this figured out. What I do have is a clearer way of checking in with myself.
When I’m considering something new, I can ask where it fits.
When my days start feeling too full, I can look at what has quietly slipped to the bottom of the list.
And when I inevitably wander off course again, which I’m quite sure I will, I don’t have to make that mean I’ve failed.
I can simply come back.
I’d love to hear from you. Is there an area of your life you’ve drifted away from lately, even though you know it matters to you? And what might gently pointing yourself back in that direction look like? Please share in the comments.
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